Pregnant Daughter

The girl admitted under parental questioning that she was pregnant, but couldn't say who was responsible. "All right!" bellowed her Mother, "you march yourself to your room, and don't come out until you can give us a definite answer." Later that nite her voice rang down the stairs. "Hey Mom, I think I have an idea now." "I should hope so!" the Mother responded. "The very idea that any daughter of mine could get pregnant, let alone not know the father." "Chill Mom."  the girl said. "I got it narrowed down to the band or the football team!"

Enjoy the Fries

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."

Chores

My daughter was whining about her chores. She asked if she needed to vacuum the whole apartment. I said, "No, just do the floor."