Smartie and Polo in the Pub

One day, a Smartie and a Polo were having a drink in the pub.  Suddenly the pub door swings open and in walks a Humbug."Fuck me!" shouts Polo, and immediately dives under the table.  "What the fuck are you doing that for?",  says Smartie. "That humbug always gives me a right good kicking whenever I see him, so I'm hiding from him." says Polo. "You should stand up to him" says Smartie. "He'll respect you more if you do".
Sure enough, the humbug walks over and gives the Polo a right slap. "Fuck off you stripy wanker, or I'll knock the fucking shit out of you", says Polo. "Hey, no problem man, can I buy you a drink?", says Humbug. "Told you so!" says Smartie.
The next night Polo and Smartie are sitting in the pub again when in walks Humbug with his mate, Tune. "Fuck me!" shouts Polo again, diving under the table. "What the fuck are you doing that for again?", says Smartie. "I know you said stand up to bullies, but that's Tune" says Polo. "So what?", says Smartie.  "He's fucking menthol!" says Polo.

Ships of the Desert

Q: Why do they call camels 'ships of the desert'?
A: Because they are full of Arab semen.

Sherlock Holmes And Watson Camping

Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?" "Well, I see thousands of stars. ""And what does that mean to you?" "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."