Irish author Brendan Behan

This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby office of one of Dublin's most fashionable and respected doctors. The doctor decided to take a cardiograph and, somewhat nervous of his patient, thought to humor him. He explained the workings of the cardiograph needle as it registered the faint heartbeats of the very sick and semiconscious Brendan. "That needle there is writing down your pulses, Mr. Behan, and I suppose, in its own way, it is probably the most important thing you have ever written." To which Behan replied: "Aye, and it's straight from me heart, too."

Walking in Ireland

A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became hungry, so he decided to stop and ask for something to eat. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied, "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."

Guinness Tragedy

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'  to tell ya."  "Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim.  But where's my husband?"  "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery."  "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."  "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."  Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"  "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."  "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"  "Well, no Brenda, no."  "No?"  "Fact is, he got out three times to pee."