Blow up the Tires

A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The man says "Sorry, we're right out of petrol." So the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?". The attendant responds, "Sorry, but no oil either."
The man thinks and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant,  "Just what kind of petrol station is this?".  The attendant then looks both ways and very carefully whispers to the man, "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front.".  The man then says, "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tires !"

Irish Compassion

Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish accent:
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake. When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our five hour flight.
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 40 dinners available."

Irish Couple

An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not without a few "squalls," received a humble lecture from their priest regarding their disgraceful quarrels. "Why, that dog and cat you have agree better than you." The husband replied, "If yer reverence'll tie them together, ye'll soon change yer mind."