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The best jokes and joke writers!

Martin Asshole

An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked "Can I help you sir?" Our man said "Yes, I would like to change my name." "What is your current name?" asked the clerk. "Martin Asshole," replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said "I can see why you want a change. What would you like your new name to be?" "Tim."

Englishmen Taunt the Irish

Three Englishmen drink in a bar and spot an Irishman in the corner. The first Englishman starts to taunt the Irishman, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a sissy?" "Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you." The second Englishman yells, "Did you know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?" "Oh, no, I didn't know that. Thank you." The third Englishman yells, "Did you know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?" "Oh, no. But that's what your friends have been trying to tell me."

Mick's Story

Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before. "Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours. Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble 'n' strife. Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my 15 year old daughter's room, and worse still she was on the swimming team and didn't smoke.

Irish Guy in the Hospital

Q: How can you tell the Irish guy in the hospital?

A: He's the one blowing the foam off of his bedpan.

Unbelievable Coincidence

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin." "Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62." "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!" About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk again."