Paddy and His Goldfish

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.   The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "Yeah, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"

Murphy's Wife

Murphy tells Quinn, "My wife is driving me to drink!"
Quinn replies, "You're very lucky!  My wife makes me walk!"

Magic Slide

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotchman and Paddy Irishman come across a magic slide. The slide operator tells them when they slide down, whatever they shout out for is what they will land in at the bottom. Paddy Englishman goes first and yells, "Gold!" and lands in gold. Paddy Scotsman goes next and screams, "Silver!" so he lands in silver. Paddy Irishman looks down the slide and, being afraid of heights, closes his eyes and jumps, crying out, "OH SH*T!"