Ethnic / Country Jokes

Craig's List

A homeless Native American with a full bladder needs teepee.

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Word Play Jokes , Ethnic / Country Jokes (Native American Jokes)
Copyright © 2014 - Kiel Phillips - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Written By: KielPhillips

Good Choice!

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. The choices were:  lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he chose the electric chair.  He sat in the chair and when they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happened a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free. The Torontonian was also afraid of needles and didn't want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair.  Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free. Next it was the Newfies turn. He said, "I'm afraid of needles and the electric chair won't work so I pick hanging."

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes , Dark Humor Jokes (Death Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Highlander Taxi Ride

One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. ''Right, you Jimmy,'' he shouts, ''Ah want you to masturbate!'' ''But...'' stammers the driver. ''Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!'' So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn't take him long. ''Right!'' snarls the Highlander ''Du it agin, now!'' So the driver does it again. ''Right laddie, du it agin!'' demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. ''Du it again!'' says the Highlander. ''I can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!'' whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''

Categories: Ethnic / Country Jokes (Scottish Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Masturbation Jokes) , Travel Jokes (Car Trip Jokes)
Anonymous