The Last Nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son.  He gives the young boy three nickels to play with to keep him occupied.  Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help. A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No" the woman replied. "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."

Lazy's Medical Term

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery

• "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."
• "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
• "Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!"
• "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"
• "Hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there."
  "Oh no! Where's my Rolex. Oops!"
• "Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?"
• "There go the lights again?"
• "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys? and this guy's got two of 'em."
• "Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"
• "Could you stop that thing from beating, it's throwing off my concentration."
• "What's this doing here?"
• "I hate it when they're missing stuff in here."
• "That's cool. Now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!"
• "Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us."
• "Sterile schmerile."
• "The floor's clean, right?"
• "OK, now take a picture from this angle."
• "This is truly a freak of nature."
• "This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?"
• "Nurse, did this patient sign an organ donation card?"
• "Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough."
• "What do you mean 'You want a divorce?!?"
• "FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!"
• "Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"