Disability Jokes - Blind Jokes

Three brothers wanted to give their blind mom a birthday gift. The first got her a big beautiful house. The second got her a brand new luxury vehicle with a driver. The third got her a talking parrot to keep her company. When they all got together, they wanted to know which gift she liked best. She said they were all great but she thanked her third son because she liked the chicken dinner best.

A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.

Having watched what happened, a passerby said, "Say, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"

"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt."

Q: Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?

A: It scared the hell out of the dog!

"Come on, Steve," one guy said to another at the gym, "your wife is not as bad as you say. What would you do if you found another man in bed with her?" "I'd break his white cane and shoot his dog."

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job. Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it. The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!" Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment. The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it.  Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling. "Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit. But tell me, what in the world happened to you?" "Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great. As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"