Wife Down

I woke up this morning at 9:00 and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!  I panicked.  I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered, McDonalds serves breakfast all day.

Dead Babies

Q: What is easier to fill a dump truck up with.. dead babies or bowling balls?
A: Dead babies.. because you can use a pitchfork.

Launched on the 4th of July

Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the coming Fourth of July holiday and wanted to test fire some fireworks. The only real problem was, their launch pad and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly enough, fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for miles. They were launched several hundred feet into the air and found dead some 250 yards from their respective seats.