Shell Game

Two little boys are in a garden playing with their pet tortoises. The first little boy says that his tortoise is the fastest , so they have a race – the first to reach the garden wall wins. The second little boy sets his tortoise lumbering off toward the wall, but the first does nothing. The second little boy says, “You’re going to lose that bet.” “No I’m not,” replies the first little boy, who picks up his tortoise and chucks it at the wall.

Tiger & Diana

Q: What does Tiger Woods have that Princess Diana didn't?
A: A good driver.

Sign Fell

On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait." The man replied; "But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now." "Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs." "Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room." So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. However, as was stated before, it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over, staggers to the door, and knocks. "Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!" "I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell you that your sign fell down."