Cheeseburger

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says "Hey bartender give me a beer." The bartender says - "I'm sorry we don't serve food here."

Name Please

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in realizes it's a gay bar, but decides, "What the heck, I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches he says to the guy, "What's the name of your penis?"
Guy:  Look, I'm not into any of that.  All I want is a drink.
Waiter:  I'm sorry, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis.  Mine for instance is called 'Nike" for the slogan 'Just Do It'.  That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers' because 'It Really Satisfies'.
The guy looks dumbfounded, so the waiter says he'll give him a couple of minutes to think it over.  So the guy turns to the man on his left and asks, "Hey, bud, what's the name of your penis?"
Other customer:  Timex!
First guy:  Why Timex?
Other guy:  Because it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin!
A little shaken, he turns to the guy on his right.
First guy: What's the name of your penis?
Second guy:  Ford!  Because quality is job #1!  Have you driven a Ford lately?
Even more shaken, he thinks a little more and finally thinks of a name for his penis.
Guy:  Bartender!  The name of my penis is "Secret'!
Waiter:  (pouring beer)  Why 'Secret'?
Guy:  (proudly)  Because it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!

Bartender Robbed and Harrassed

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up!  Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!" The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!" "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!" The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"