Bar Jokes - Walks Into a Bar

An infinite crowd of mathematicians enter a bar. The first one orders a pint, the second one orders half a pint, the third one orders a quarter pint. The bartender says, "Ok, I get it!" and pours two pints.

A man and his girlfriend go out to a bar for the evening. When they arrive, the man realizes he has to pee, so he goes into the bathroom and does his business. When he comes back, he sees a man conversing with his date. His date looks intimidated, so he weaves his way through the tables to her, but by the time he gets there, the man is walking away. He looks at his girlfriend and asks, "What did that guy want?" She looks at him and says, "He said he was going to fill up my pussy with ice cream and eat it all up!" The man grows pale and grabs her arm and says, "Come on, let's get out of here." She looks surprised and asks, "Aren't you going to defend me?" And he says, "Sweetie, anyone who can eat that much ice cream must be a god!"

Did you hear about the midget who walked into the bar and kissed everybody in the joint?

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"  The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."  Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"  The man responded, "110." So the robot started talking about the Super Bowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."  A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"  The man replied, "80."  The robot then replied, "So, how are things in Poland these days?"

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves".