Man's Best Friend

A bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him. Bartender: "Hey pal, is something wrong?" The Guy: "Yeah, I'm really depressed. "Bartender: "Why, what's the matter?" The Guy: "I caught my wife in bed with my best friend. "Bartender: "Wow, that's horrible. What did you do? "The Guy: "I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it's over" Bartender: "That's pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend? "The Guy: "I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"

Singles Bar

Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They are married.

Drunk Husband

Marge was cheating on her husband with another man when they heard a noise on the stairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?" "Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he's not going to notice you." Sure enough, Marge's husband crawled into bed, but as he pulled up the covers, he exposed six feet. "Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!" "Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again." The husband got out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. By damn, you're right, dear."