Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?
Chainsaw and Bari-sax
Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?
A: Add vibrato.
Q: How do you get five oboes in tune?
A: Shoot four of them.
Q: What are burning oboes used for?
A: To set bassoons on fire.
Q: Why does an oboist always have to fight for correct intonation?
A: Because most oboes are full of holes.
Q: How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?
A: Steal his batteries.
Five Pound Note
Q: There's note on the floor; who picks it up? The thrash guitarist, the drummer who keeps good time, or the drummer who keeps bad time?
A: The drummer who keeps bad time, because the other drummer doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway.
How Late Does The Bagpipe Band Play
Tom: "Hey, Buddy. How late does the bagpipe band play?"
Buddy: "Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."