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The best jokes and joke writers!

Worth Trying

A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too."

The shrink thought for a moment and said, "Everyone needs to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"

The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful breasts, points it at the shrink, and says, "Well go ahead, I'll give it a try!"

Breasts Like a Train Set

Q: Why are women's breasts like a toy train set?

A: Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

$10,000 For a Kiss

One day, this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.

Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."

"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.

"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."

The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. "OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's tits."

At this, the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed.

"Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.

"I can't" replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.

"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.

"I don't have ten thousand dollars!"

Size Matters

Q: Why did the mermaid wear seashells?

A: Because the B-shells were too small!

Lisa has Friends

Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list.

Q: What does Lisa have?

A: Huge boobs.