Stumbling and Mumbling
A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"
Q: What do witches put on their hair?
A: Scare spray.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Yo Mama - Roadkill
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks at roadkill, it runs away.
Yo Mama - Playing Pool
Yo mama so fat, she uses a soccer field for a pool table.