Granny and the Cop.

An elderly couple were driving across the country.  The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.  
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"  The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"  The old man yells, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"  The woman turns to her husband and asks again, "What did he say?"  The old man yells, "He wants to see your license!"  The woman gave the officer her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."  The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"  And the old man yells, "He said he knows you!"

Your Teeth

Your teeth are so big when you sneeze you bite your chest.

Act Your Age

A 6'4'' ninth grader was acting up in class. His teacher looked at him and said, ''Act your age, not your shoe size.'' The boy looks down at his size 14 shoes, then says, ''But they're the same.''