The Leprechaun

A man walks into the bathroom, and steps up to a urinal. He can't help but notice the short man at the urinal next to him, and the large penis this man has. He says to the short man, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice what a large penis you have." The short man replies, "I am a leprechaun, and I can grant you three wishes." The man is kind of skeptical, but he decides to believe him anyway. "OK, "He says, "I want to live in a mansion." The short man replies, "Sure. Tomorrow morning you will wake up in it." The man says, "Next, I want a beautiful girlfriend." "OK," the short man replies, "Tomorrow you will wake up next to her." The man is still not sure whether to believe him, but he continues. "I want a penis as large as yours." "Alright, but there is one catch, the short man replies. "What's that, the man asks?" "I have to have sex with you from behind, the short man says. The other man thinks for a second, and decides anything is worth getting a penis that large. "OK, go right ahead." The short man starts to do his thing, and the other man says, "I can't believe I'm gonna have a penis as big as yours." The short man replies, "I can't believe you thought I was a leprechaun!"

Lightning Just Struck

As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I'm going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant. In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted. There he was, all dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood poised to ring the woman's doorbell, when a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, "Why, God, why now? After all I've been through, how could you do this to me?" From up above, there came a voice, "Sorry. I didn't not recognize you." 

Midget in the Whorehouse

Q: Did you hear about the midget that went into the whorehouse?
A: He got a twat in the face.