No Sex Nancy
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that Nancy Pelosi sued Wellington hospital saying that after her husband had surgery there he lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was to correct his eyesight."
Yo Mama - Disturbing The Peace
Yo mama so ugly she stuck her head out the window and was arrested for disturbing the peace!
Yo Mama - Record
Yo mama so ugly, if ugliness was a record, she would go triple platinum.
A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist whose breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately it distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So one of the ladies approached the organist and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on her nipples and over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size. She warned her not to taste any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they would make her mouth pucker up, and she wouldn't be able to talk properly for a while. The organist reluctantly agreed to try it.
The following Sunday morning the priest walked up to the pulpit and said..."Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not hab a thermon tewday."
God Bless Me
There are five people on a plane that's crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, ''God bless me!'' Bill Gates jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my bank account!'' Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my team!'' Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and the New York Rangers!''
The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, ''God bless me and the people I land on!''