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The best jokes and joke writers!

Redneck Bull and Cow

Q: How does a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?

A: He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.

Cow Priced Like A Car

What would happen if we priced our "cows" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "car"? A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

  • Basic cow...$499.99
  • Shipping and handling...35.75
  • Extra Stomach...79.25
  • Two Tone Exterior...142.10
  • Produce Storage Compartment...126.50
  • Heavy Duty Straw Chomper...189.60
  • Four Spigot/High Output Drain System...149.20
  • Automatic Fly Swatter...88.50
  • Genuine Cowhide Upholstery...179.90
  • Deluxe Dual Horns...59.25
  • Automatic Fertilizer Attachment...339.40
  • 4X4 Traction Drive Assembly...884.16
  • Pre-delivery Wash and Comb...69.80

FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE:...$2,843.30

Additional Dealer Adjustments: ...300.00

TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options).........$3,143.36

Cow In A Earthquake

Q. What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an earthquake?

A. A milk shake!

Brain Cells

Q: Why did God give women more brain cells than cows?

A: So that women don't shit themselves when you play with their tits.

Nearest Hotel Stop

A giant storm forces a man to pull over at the nearest hotel. The keeper says, "Alright, but there are 18 pigs in the room." The man says, "OK, I'll take it." The storm persists and another man asks for a room. The keeper says, "Alright, but there are 18 cows in the room." The man says, "OK, I'll take it." Finally, a third man asks for a room. The keeper says, "Alright, I have one room left, and it's filled with my 18 beautiful daughters." The man says, "OK, I'll take it." The next morning the three men talk in the lobby. The first man says that he feels like a pig. The second man says that he feels like a cow. The third man says, "Wow, I feel like a golfer!"