Q: What's the difference between the dinosaur and a dragon?
A: Dinosaurs are too young to SMOKE!
One morning, a mama cow and her three baby cows were out grazing in the field. The first baby cow comes up to the mama cow and says, "Mama, why is my name Daisy?" And the mama cow said, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a daisy fell on your head." And the first baby cow trotted off, satisfied. The next day, they were all out in the field again. The second baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "Mama, why is my name Tulip?" "Well, honey, when you were born a tulip fell on your head." And the baby cow was happy with that answer and continued grazing. The next day, they all went out into the field again to graze. The third baby cow came up to the mama cow and said, "GLUPHABABABLUGHARDTHYPOGHHH!!!"
And the mama cow said, "SHUT UP BRICK!!!"
Ants and Math
Q: What kind of ant is good at math?
A: An accountant!
Q: When should a mouse carry an umbrella?
A: When it's raining cats and dogs!
Q: What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
A: A horse!