Lifelong Dream

For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"

Pig's Ears

A woman enters a butcher shop and asks the counter assistant, "Do you have pig's ears?" The counter assistant replies, "No, it's just the way my hair is parted!"

Mad Cow

Two cows were talking in the field one day.
First Cow: Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around?
Second Cow: Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?