Momma Bear

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.  Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.  He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!  "Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks?  Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.  He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?," he roars!  Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"  "It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who made the Coffee."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper." "It was 'Momma Bear' who set the table."  "It was 'Momma Bear' who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water & food dish." "And, now that you've decided to come downstairs and grace 'Momma Bear' with your presence,listen good, 'cause I'm only going to say this one time..."I haven't made the @!#$%^&* Porridge, yet!!"

Fencing Elephant

Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
A: Time to get a new fence.

Cow Manure Use

A little boy runs across this farmer who has a truckload of cow manure. The boy asks him what he is going to do with all that cow poop. The farmer tells the little boy, ''I'm taking it home to put on my strawberries.'' The little boy looks up at the farmer and says, ''I don't know where you come from, but where I come from we put cream and sugar on our strawberries.''