Whiskey Diet

Q: Did you hear about the new whiskey diet?
A: I've lost three days already.

Moonshine

"Old Jethro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again," The wife told her husband.
"How can you tell?" he asked. "Did you smell it?"
"Nope. But a bunch of mice from over to his place came over here this morning and beat the shit out of our cats . . ."

Survey Says

The U.S. Government decided to gather data to better understand what people say right before they get into an auto accident. 89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, shit!'' In Texas 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.''