Polish Plane Landing

Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!" The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you`re right! That`s incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, we 're almost out of fuel." So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot`s hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUST before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!" "Yeah!" said the copilot, "and WIDE too!"

Fear of Flying

Two caterpillars are watching a cocoon that is starting to twist and shake. It bursts open to reveal a beautiful butterfly that stretches its wings and flies away. One caterpillar turns to the other and says, “You’ll never get me up in one of those things.”

Top Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, we're going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airline's new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock, one on our tail! Eject! Eject!
5. Ummmmmm....Sorry...(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)...we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.
7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently.
8. Fasten your seat belt!!!
9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway.
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ...Oh no!
12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...
13. Get the parachutes ready...
14. Drinks are on me..
15. I'll have what the Captain's having...
16. Hey capt'n take another hit man...