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The best jokes and joke writers!

The Vet Delivers

There was a country doctor who was the only doctor for miles around. He wanted to go on a fishing trip, so he called the vet and asked him to look after things while he was gone. The vet asked, "Is anything happening?"

The doctor replied, "Mrs. Jones is about due, but I don't think the baby will come before I get back. Anyway, if it does, just deliver it. This is her third, and the first two went really easily."

The vet agreed, and the doctor went on the fishing trip. When he returned, he called the vet. "How did things go while I was gone?"

"Pretty good. Mrs. Jones had her baby. It was an 8 pound boy. Everyone's doing fine."

"Did you have any trouble?"

"Well, there was just one little problem. I had a terrible time getting her to eat the afterbirth!"

Feeling Guilty

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian."

Sick Dog

A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog onto the the operating table, looks down and says, "Say ahhh!" The man looks at the vet and says, "The dog can't speak. "The vet says to the man, "I was talking to YOU. The dog's dead!!"

BAD Bunny Wabbit!

A woman walks into a veterinarian's waiting room dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit obviously does not want to be there.

"Sit, Fluffy!" she says. Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed.

Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates. The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, - "Darn it, Fluffy, will you be good?!"

Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office.  

As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:  "Please pardon me... I just washed my hare, and can't do a damn thing with it!"

Guinea Pig

I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!