Toothbrush Salesmen

Three guys begin work at a toothbrush company as salesmen. Each day, two of the guys sell twenty toothbrushes each, and the third guy consistently sells two hundred. The other two guys are jealous, but they can't figure out his secret. Then, one day, they run into him at the mall, where he's set up a tobacco dip sample table. "This is your secret?" says the first guy. "Try some dip," says the third. They both take a little bit o' dip. "Ech!" says the second guy. "This tastes like shit!" "It is shit. Would you like to buy a toothbrush?"

Tesla Upgrade

My sales manager pulled up in a new Tesla Model S today and I complimented him on it. 
He said, "Well, if you set goals, you're determined, and you work really hard and put in the long hours, I can trade up to a Model D next year."

Purchasing Furniture

I work as a systems administrator, and part of my job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but sometimes it gets on my nerves. When people ask me what I find so irritating, this is what I tell them: Imagine that you are a salesperson for Ikea. You get a phone call that goes like this.
Customer: I'd like to buy a kitchen table.
You: That's great, we have many styles of kitchen tables, I'm sure you can find one you like.
Customer: I need one that's 3 feet by 5 feet and has a butcher block top.
You: Yes, we have a table like that. You can pick it up today.
Customer: OK, how can I get it back to my house?
You: Well, it comes disassembled, so you can just put it on a roof rack. We can loan you a roof rack if you don't have one.
Customer: But how do I get there?
You: We're just off exit 25 of the Turnpike. Where are you coming from?
Customer: Wait, wait, you're going way too fast for me. I have a Ford in my driveway, and the keys are in my hand. What do I do next?
(And, whatever you say at this point, the response is always the same:)
Customer: All I want is a kitchen table! Why does it have to be so complicated?