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The best jokes and joke writers!

Origin of Yodeling

Many years ago a salesman was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"

"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "Needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn." The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared a plate of food for him and took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn. And she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears.

"How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.... "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO...."

Create a Need

A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked "Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?" Aghast, the man said, "are you NUTS?, that's robbery!" The salesman seemed hurt and then tries again "Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price at $100.00" Again, the man replies bluntly  "you must be crazy pal, now go away!" The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much". Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says: "HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like crap!!!" "It is," replied the salesman. "Wanna buy some mouthwash?"

The Right Stuff

I was in a job interview for a sales position and the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home. An hour later he called me and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I said, "$250 and it's yours."

Tesla Upgrade

My sales manager pulled up in a new Tesla Model S today and I complimented him on it. 

He said, "Well, if you set goals, you're determined, and you work really hard and put in the long hours, I can trade up to a Model D next year."

Ferrari Touch

A lady walks into a Texas Ferrari dealership. Her eyes light up when she sees the new F12 Berlinetta and she walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a red shirted Ferrari employee standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the sales specialist greets the lady with, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you?" Hoping he wasn't there at the time of her accident, she asks, "Sir, how much are you asking for this incredible vehicle?" He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit yourself when I tell you the price."