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The best jokes and joke writers!

Can't Remember

Patient: Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.

Doctor: When did you first notice this problem?

Patient: What problem?

What's Up Doc?

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close,"  the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!" The doctor hands him the thread and says, "Go ahead... Suture self"!

Chiro Tunes

Q: What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?

A: Hip-Pop

New Virgin

A woman was going to marry one of those guys that wanted a virgin. Since she was not, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her hymen.The doctor told her it would cost around $500, but there was another way that would cost only $50.The woman agreed to try the cheap way, paid the money, and the doctor worked on her for several minutes. After the "first night" of intimacy, the woman came back to the doctor and told him that it was perfect. The pain, the blood,everything was there. And she asked him how he did it."Simple...I tied your pubic hairs together!"


Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco. Allegedly, there are many female Gastroenterologists and they are much more gentle. 

As I lay naked on my side on the table, a beautiful doctor began my procedure. She told me, "Now don't worry, at this stage of the procedure, it's quite normal to get an erection."

"I don't have an erection," I replied.
"I do." replied the doctor.

Note to self:  Never get another colonoscopy in San Francisco.