Profession Jokes - Other Doctor Jokes
Fred goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated." Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation." Fred says, "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5,000 cash right here. Will you do it?" Doc says, "Well, OK, I guess I could make this one exception. I don't understand it, but OK." He puts Fred to sleep, does the trick, and is waiting at the bedside when Fred wakes up. "Well, Doc, how'd it go?" Fred asks. "It went fine, just fine. It's really not too difficult of an operation. As a matter of fact, $5,000 is a lot to pay for such a simple task, and I felt a little guilty about taking that much. So, while I was operating, I also noticed that you had never been circumcised, so I went ahead and did that, too. I think, it's really better for a man to be circumcised, and I hope you don't mind my..." "CIRCUMCISED!" yells Fred. "THAT'S the word!!!"
Blonde - Brain For Sale
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplants asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain here belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. And here we have a blonde's brain as well. It costs $50,000." The client asked, "What? How's that possible?" The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom.
A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.” The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc.” The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”
The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!” The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very rare disease.”
The guy says to the doctor: “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!” The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, “Stupid American doctors, they always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate”
“Oh, Thank God!,” the man replies.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor, “You no worry! Wait two weeks... it fall off by itself."
Blonde - Diet
A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "But, I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"
What a Health Plan!
Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.
"Ah," said the doctor, "Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode." "Oh," said Her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose it's understandable."
Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex. "Goodness Gracious!" shrieked Her Majesty, "I demand an explanation of this kind of sordid goings- on!"
"Ah," said the Doctor, "same problem - better health plan!"