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The best jokes and joke writers!

Origin of Lawyers

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal sex?".  "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from!"

Lawyer's Creed

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

Check Your Pocket

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was repeated for some time, until he finally looked into his pocket and told the bartender he'd had enough.The bartender said, "I have to ask you. What's with the pocket business?"

"Oh," said the man. "I have my lawyer's picture in here. When he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."

Free Advice at Social Affairs?

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

The Bucket

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?

A: The bucket.