Pancakes

I told my psychiatrist, "My wife sent me here because I like pancakes." She said, "Liking pancakes doesn't make you crazy. I like pancakes too." I said, "Great! Come down to the house. I got a whole basement full!"

Lawyer's Word Processor

Q: Have you heard about the lawyer's word processor?

A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Top Ten Signs You've Hired a Bad Accountant

10. After three of the questions on the tax form, he's just written "Huh?"
9. It takes him a half hour to figure out his tip at Red Lobster.
8. He tends to whimper and say, "Numbers are hard!"
7. His last client was Nicholas Cage.
6. He swears "umpteen" is a real number.
5. He checks off the box for "joint filing," then lights one up.
4. He keeps insisting, "No, you're wrong! They're due on August 15th!"
3. You notice that his calculator is really a TV remote.
2. After every number on your tax form, he's written "or so."
1. He likes to do his calculating in the nude, so he can count up to 21.