Auditions Galore

My friend got a dozen auditions for movies in the last week. I asked him how and all he could say was, "It's this new medication." He never told me what it was, but I could safely assume that it was a fast acting drug.

Lawyers, Porsche & Porcupine

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

Bible By College Students:

How the Bible would have been different if written by college students:
Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips
Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten.
Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.
Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals.
Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.