Two Lawyers Drowning

 If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?

Who Gets It?

Q:  Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A:  The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

Husbands as Lovers

Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."