2 + 2

A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2 + 2?" The housewife replies: "Four!" The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time." The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

Critical Vet

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if *that* doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

Good Deed

Harry, a new technical salesperson, is waiting to meet his prospect in the lobby of the Trump Soho in New York.  He sees Donald Trump walk in the main entrance and gets an idea. Harry introduces himself to Mr. Trump and asks a favor. “I’m meeting an important prospect here in a few minutes,” says Harry. “Would you mind just passing by and saying hello? It would really impress my client if he thought I knew you.” Mr. Trump says he'd be glad to help out and a few minutes later he spots Harry deep in conversation with his client. He walks up, taps Harry on the shoulder, and says, “Hi, Harry. How are you doing?” Harry turns around and says, “Buzz off, Trump, I’m busy.”