The Sick Coffin

A funeral procession was winding it's way to the cemetery on top of the hill outside town, when the hearse hit a bump.  The coffin was bumped loose, fell out onto the road and began sliding back toward town down a steep hill. It slid faster and faster. Finally, it reached the town and was skidding its way down Main St. when suddenly, at one intersection, the coffin hit a curb, flew onto the sidewalk, smashed through the front glass window of the pharmacy, and slammed up against the prescription counter.  The lid popped off, the corpse sat up and said, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"

Life Is Precious

The doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live but the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives him another six months.

Psychiatrists and Patients

Q: How do you tell the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the mental hospital?
A: The patients are the ones that eventually get better and go home!