Naval Student's Anchors

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.
"What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?" asked the captain.
"Throw out an anchor, sir," the student replied.
"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"
"Throw out another anchor, sir," the student replied.
"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do then?" asked the captain.
"Throw out another anchor, sir," the student replied.
"Hold on," said the captain. "Where are you getting all those anchors from?"
"From the same place you're getting your storms, sir."

Ear Bug

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

New Slogans For Value Jet

• When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
• We're Amtrak with wings.
• Join our frequent near-miss program.
• On flights, every section is a smoking section.
• Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
• Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
• Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
• Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
• Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
• The kids will love our inflatable slides.
• You think it's so easy, get your own plane!
• Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
• Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
• We may be landing on your street.
• Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
• Bring a bathing suit.
• Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
• That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
• Find out there really is a God.
• A real man lands where he wants to.