Don't Serve Food

A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman. "I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."

Mexican Magic

A Mexican magician performing at a Christmas party tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "Uno...Dos..." and 'poof' he was gone. He disappeared without a tres.

Woodpecker V Owl

Q: Why did the owl, owl?
A: Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!