Her New Dress

Emery fixed himself a Scotch while waiting for Maria to get ready for their date. She came out of the shower wrapped in a bath towel and said, "I'm sorry I'm late but I was shopping and lost track of time. Would you like to see me in my new dress?" "I would like nothing better." said Emery.

Chicken and Duck

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A: A bird that lays down!

The Rabbi's Pay

There was a Rabbi whose wife was expecting a baby. The Rabbi went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the Rabbi's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After five or six children, this started to get expensive. The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the Rabbi's pay situation. As you can imagine there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the Rabbi got up and spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!" In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard stood up and in his frail voice said.. "Point of information - snow and rain are also 'acts of God', but we wear rubbers!"