Bumper Stickers

• I love animals, they taste great.
• EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
• "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
• He who laughs last thinks slowest!
• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
• A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 

Filing An Appeal

The lawyer had come to the State Prison to visit his client, who had recently been sentenced by the court to life imprisonment for a particularly hideous crime. He was seated in the visiting room across the table from his prisoner-client, explaining the various legal procedures he had followed. " I have filed an appeal in the lower court, and that was denied," he explained. "Then I filed an appeal in the State Supreme Court. That was denied. Next, I filed an appeal in the Federal District Court, which was denied. And as a last resort, last week I filed an appeal with the United States Supreme Court-and that has been denied." " But there must be something else we can file!" exclaimed the frantic prisoner. "There is only one more thing," confined the attorney. He cautiously took an iron rod out of his briefcase and slipped it to the prisoner. "The only thing left to file," he said, "are the bars of your cell!"

You and I, Squirrels

If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.