One Legged

Q: What do you call a girl with only one arm and one leg?
A: Eileen!

Lesson In Liars

A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week. "Next Sunday," she said, "we are going to talk about liars, and in preparation for the lesson, I want you all to read the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark." The following week at the beginning of the class, the teacher said, "Now all who have prepared for today's lesson by reading the Seventeenth Chapter of Mark, please come to the front." Half the class stood up and came forward. "The rest of you may leave," said the teacher, "these students are the ones I want to talk speak to. There is no Seventeenth Chapter in the Book of Mark!"

New Employee Training

A young man got a new job running the register at a store. The old store owner said he would teach him how to up-sell. "Watch how I do it," he said to the new hire. As a customer put a bag of grass seed on the counter, the old-timer said to him, "When you plant those seeds and the grass starts growing, you're going to need a new lawnmower to cut the grass." "You know," said the man, "I do need a new mower. Sure, I'll take one." After the customer left, the new kid said, "I think I see what you mean. Let me handle this next one." A customer stepped up to the counter and set down a box of tampons. The young salesman said, "You know, you should get you a new lawnmower to go with that." The man asked the young salesman, "What are you talking about?" "It looks like your weekend's shot so you might as well cut the grass."