Flying Pig

Q: What do you say if you see a flying pig?
A: 'I see bacon's going up'!

The Bar And Chain

A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The bartender asks the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain around. The man answered "HEY!! you ever tried pushing one of these things!?"

Mop Face Fight

I got in a bar fight one time with a big tough guy who said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."