Statistics don't Lie

Someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.

Effective Ointment

Two friends are shopping in a drugstore when one of them tells the other, "My husband says this brand here is the most effective ointment for hemorrhoids on the market today." "How does he know this for sure though?" asked the other woman. "Because besides being my husband who thinks he's always right, he's also an asshole himself."

Brake Fluid Drink

A mechanic noticed his co-worker drinking brake fluid at lunch. "What are you doing, man? You can't drink that stuff!" "Relax," replied his co-worker, "this stuff tastes pretty good, and I don't drink it all the time." "Seriously," the mechanic exclaimed, "that brake fluid is poison!" "Hey, man" yelled the co-worker, "Back off! I can stop any time I want."