Harvard Man Changes Lightbulb

Q: How many Harvard men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One -- he stands still and the world revolves around him.

Pardon Me

Two furniture salesman are sitting at the bar comiserating. One says, "Man! If I don't move some furniture this month, I'm going to lose my ass." The second salesman says, "Watch your mouth! There's a lady sitting next to you. I apologize for my friend, mam." The woman looks at him and says, "That's OK. I'm a hooker. If I don't move some ass this month, I'm going to lose my furniture!"

Cafeteria Sign

Sign in a cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (Then, in pencil beneath the sign): "Socks can eat anyplace they want."