Wake Up Call

A guy wakes up to a woman next to him in bed and she was already awake. She says to him, "I have a confession to make, I was once a Christian."
The guy, still half-asleep says, "Oh that's okay babe, I've never really been one to care."
"Oh good," she replies, "I much prefer being a Christine anyways."

The Ram

Q: Why did the ram fall over the cliff?
A: He didn't see the ewe turn!

Dr. Phil Says Inner Peace

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished;
and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates. Dr. Phil was right... you have no idea how I feel right now!