Stranded On An Island

A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and eating fruits and berries. She says, "Well, what did you do for love?" He says, "Love? What's that?" She says, "I'll show you." She shows him. Then she shows him again. Then she shows him one more time. When they're finally done, she says, "Well, how do you like love?" He says, "It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."

Any Windows Open

Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside!"

Ireland Radio Contest

A Cork, Ireland radio station was holding an on-air contest to see who could come up with the best word not in a dictionary that would still make sense in a sentence. One of the first callers used the word G-O-A-N, pronounced "go-an." "Okay, caller. How would you use this in a sentence?" "Go-an. Goan fuck yerself!" Concerned about it being a family show, the DJ quickly hung up on the man. After fielding a bunch more unsuccessful calls, another caller calls up with the word S-M-E-E, pronounced "smee." "Okay, caller. How would you use this in a sentence?" "Smee again. Goan fuck yerself!"