Anything But

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."

The Three Toilets

These three men won a contest. The prize was a wish from the wizard. The three men all wanted toilets. The first man wanted a wooden toilet. So he got his wish. The second man wanted a metal toilet. So he got his wish. The third man wanted a talking toilet. So he got his wish. The next day they all wanted to return their toilets. The first one said, "My toilet rotted through." So the wizard took his toilet back. The second one said, "My toilet rusted," So the wizard took his toilet back. The third man said, "Every time I try to sit on it to use it, it starts to sing 'I see your hinny, all white and shiny, if you don't hide it I'm gonna bite it.'"

Museum Robbery

An art museum thief is caught when he tries to get away. A reporter asks him what went wrong with the heist. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.