U.S. State Jokes
Cowboy in Texas
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ''WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?'' he yelled. No one answered. ''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!'' Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?'' The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.''
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Five - one to screw it in and four to sit in the hot tub and discuss the environmental impact.
When a man in Macon, Georgia came upon a wild dog attacking a young boy, he quickly grabbed the animal and throttled it with his two hands. A reporter saw the incident, congratulated the man and told him the headline the following day would read, "Local Man Saves Child by Killing Vicious Animal." The hero, however, told the journalist that he wasn't from Macon. "Well, then," the reporter said, "the headline will probably say, "Georgia Man Saves Child by Killing Dog." "Actually," the man said, "I'm from Connecticut." "In that case," the reporter said in a huff, "the headline will read, "Yankee Kills Family Pet."
Cold in Boston
I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in Massachusetts. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is -32 and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. The wind chill is -59. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He told me that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in!
Unfamiliar with a Term
These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage? "The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's meat?" The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?" The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"