Hawaii Malfunction

Everyone in Hawaii is still mad about the malfunction of the early warning system. Those fools.
Hawaii IS the early warning system.

New Yorker Traffic Summons

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon, and he would have to return the next day.
"WHAT FOR?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared loudly "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The guy replied "I know, I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!"

New York City to England

This lady who was living in New York City had to get back to her old country but she was broke. One day she wandered down to the docks and spotted a worker getting ready to load supplies onto a boat. "Please I need to get back to England" she pleaded. "If you sneak me onboard tonight I'll give you favors all the way across the ocean." Well needless to say later that night he put her in a duffel bag and carried her onboard. Down in the hold where she was hidden he said, "When I bring you some food, twice a day, I'll collect." And being true to her word she agreed. This went on for about a week when by accident the captain found her. "Please don't get angry," she started to say and explained the story to the captain who busted up laughing. "Why are you laughing?" she demanded. He said, "Because you're on the Staten Island Ferry."