U.S. State Jokes

A Mexican,Honduran and a Texan girl are in the same bar.  When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "Our glasses are so cheap in Mexico we don't need to drink with the same one twice."

The Honduran, obviously impressed by this, drinks a beer and throws the glass into the air, pulls out his pistol and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, "In Honduras, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either."

The Texan girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp and throws the glass into the air. She whips out her 45 and shoots the Mexican and the Honduran. Catching her glass and setting it on the bar, she calls for a refill and says, "In Texas we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice." 

Golden State Warriors "No one can choke harder than we did."

Atlanta Falcons "Hold my beer."

Being nervous, and embarrassed about my up-coming colonoscopy, on a recommendation, I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco. Allegedly, there are many female Gastroenterologists and they are much more gentle. 

As I lay naked on my side on the table, a beautiful doctor began my procedure. She told me, "Now don't worry, at this stage of the procedure, it's quite normal to get an erection."

"I don't have an erection," I replied.
"I do." replied the doctor.

Note to self:  Never get another colonoscopy in San Francisco.

Two Texans are arguing over how large their property is. The first guy says "Well I'll put it to you this way, I can get in my truck before sunrise, drive all day long, and by sundown I still haven't hit the other side of my spread."

The other fella looks down, spits, and says "Yeah, I used to have a truck like that."

A couple is having an intimate dinner at Marea, New York's best Italian restaurant. Their server, standing a few tables away, watches as the guy slides all the way down his chair and out of sight. The woman across from him seems to not notice. The server comes over and says, "Excuse me, Ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman says, "No he didn't, he just walked in the door."