A hitchhiker walks down the road. Unfortunately, he has the runs and has to stop every 15 minutes. A truck driver stops and offers a ride, but warns him that he won't stop for anything. About 10 minutes on the road, the hitchhiker begs the truck driver to stop, and the driver tells him, "Stick your butt out the window if you have to go so bad." The hitchhiker sticks his butt out the window and lets loose. Unfortunately, he doesn't notice the two guys walking on the roadside. Sprayed with feces, the first guy wipes his face and says, "What are them truckers chewing these days?" The second guy wipes his face and says, "I don't know, but did you see the lips on that guy?"
Q: What travels all around the world while staying in one place?
A: A postage stamp.
Safe to Swim Here?
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" "Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Putting Up A Tent
Putting up a tent, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole and slip in to the old bag.
Signs And Notices 14
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
- Sign in a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
- Sign in the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."
- Sign on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."
- Detour sign in Kobe, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."
- Sign in a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream."
- Sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
- Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
- Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."